miércoles, 21 de marzo de 2012
martes, 6 de marzo de 2012
domingo, 23 de octubre de 2011
En cuanto al sobrepeso y la vida en el
Una persona tiene sobrepeso cuando tras habitualmente ingerir más calorías que las que necesita se acumula una capa de grasa alrededor de su cuerpo, puede llegar a ser perjudicial para la salud.
Hay dos maneras de llegar a tener sobrepeso, uno es a través de problemas endocrinas, y la otra es como antes he dicho, comiendo demasiado y no haciendo ejercicio, mesuradamente la última.
Existe gente que ve a las personas "gordas" como un cargo para la sociedad, yo no soy uno, puesto que en mi caso no como demasiado, simplemente no hago nada, y la realidad es que no deberia de importar el físico de uno, sino su comportamiento y su forma de ser.
La persona que tiene sobrepeso puede aceptarlo y seguir su vida, hacer algo para cambiarlo, o quejarse todo el rato tras haberse apercatado de que lo es, sin embargo, hay aquellos que no se ven gordos y tienen una autoestima que hasta se sabe cuando entran en una habitación.
No digo que esto sea una cosa mala, porque en muchos casos es la mejor opción que hay, pero existe un límite, sea una persona "gorda" o una persona con un peso normal, y si tienes sobrepeso y encima te crees lo más, acabas pareciendo realmente tonto.
En cuanto a mi vida con sobrepeso: siempre he sido "gordo" y siempre me han acosado por aquello. Esto me ha hecho más consciente de la intolerancia y la discriminación, lo cual es la única cosa buena que ha salido de aquello. Aún así, no soy perfecto en cuanto a la intolerancia y la discriminación, pero hay una diferencia substancial entre yo y otros muchos, yo me apercato de que hago mal en discriminar, e intento hacerlo lo menos posible, pero no es excusa, acepto cualquier cargo de hipocresia al tanto. Digo esto, pero nunca dejaré de criticar la discriminación.
Siguiendo con mi vida quiero decir ante todo que yo soy consciente de lo que soy y no me gusta, pero tambien soy consciente de que es mi culpa y que podría , con determinación, cambiar.
El ser "gordo" es una carga MENTAL inmensa, porque deprime el saber que todos son mejores que tú y el no estar contento con tu aspecto, y con esta frase no digo que uno debe de preocuparse demasiado por su aspecto, sino que sabes que muchos te desprecian por ser lo que eres y ser como eres, y aunque la idea de que la opinión que cuenta es la tuya me parece la más racional, la realidad del asunto es que siempre nos importara, sea poco o mucho, lo que piensan los demás.
Eso es lo que venía a decir, que yo soy gordo, y reconozco mis fuertes, o mis "no tan males" como yo les llamo, pero como consecuencia de ser gordo, veo todo lo que hago y creo como heces, no merecen la pena, ni mis "obras" ni yo.
Fdo: Ydur Lebbalt Lelb
lunes, 25 de abril de 2011
Zack Bergström
Gracias por tu ayuda en esas tantas situaciones, gracias por ser un tio de confianza, esa ayuda que siempre hace falta. Se que no nos conocimos durante mucho tiempo, pero durante el tiempo que sí, fuistes un buen amigo, uno de los mejores. No he conocido alguien que haya luchado tanto por lo que verdaderamente queria, no he conocido a alguien que fuese tan determinado, por lo menos en un tio vaya, eras uno de las mejores personas que conocí. Sé lo dificil que te fué conseguir tu meta final, tu Cath, digo TU porque eso es lo que tanto querias, y lo conseguistes, la conseguistes, y comprendo que pasaba por tu mente cuando creías que la habias perdido, se que ella era y es tu todo, estes donde estes. No fue tu culpa, aunque me lo dijistes tantas veces, no fue tu culpa, no merecias hacerte sentir así. Se notaba mucho que la querías y quieres, porque se que te fusites queriendola, y ella te quiere tambien, tu me lo dijistes, cuando te pregunte, ella había querido alguien más? Y tú dijistes que no.
Amigo, se que ella era tu vida y tu todo, se que tuvistes tu porque, pero te echamos de menos, todos, te echamos de menos, AMIGO, no se te olvidara.
RIP Zack Bergström: A good friend, one of the very best, I wish I could have helped more. You will be sorely missed, and are so.
Amigo, se que ella era tu vida y tu todo, se que tuvistes tu porque, pero te echamos de menos, todos, te echamos de menos, AMIGO, no se te olvidara.
RIP Zack Bergström: A good friend, one of the very best, I wish I could have helped more. You will be sorely missed, and are so.
lunes, 11 de abril de 2011
A Year In A Difficult Life
Chris.
Well, I guess some people are just crazy, I know Jack and Rhys were anyway.
Hah! Jack, well, Jack was a nice guy, but, he was also a bit of a prick, always messing about, turning up at my house at five o' clock in the morning with two six packs of beer and about half an ounce of weed. Oh, no, he didn't come round to have a party in drink with me, he turned up to hide from the cops that were chasing him for whatever it was that he'd done that time.
Rhys was just nuts, I sometimes still wonder how many times he was caught filming the girls in the changing rooms. Very sexually frustrated, a virgin still at 17, not because he was ugly or a bad person, but because he was a little perverted.
Me, well, me... I guess I was just a standard seventeen-year old guy... bullshit, I was NOT normal, I wasn't too into parties, I hated the beach, and I'd already been with my girlfriend for three years, I was a serious student, and a serious musician. I'm not saying I was boring, hell no! When it came to getting drunk and high, I was the first one there. I remember doing loads of shit-crazy stuff with both of them, like the time when we were arrested for moonying the Mayor.
I'm going to tell you about my, well, our, last year before we went to university, that year was also MY last year of mucking about, actually, it was my FIRST year of mucking about, but after that year I was a married man, so it doesn't count.
Well, you see, it all started on a Friday, the first Friday after term started.
I was going to stay at my fiancée's house that night, as usual, but while I was at school, my plans were destined to change.
"Dude, so are you going to Dom's party?" Rhys asked me, knowing the answer already.
" Nah, mate, I'm going to Sarah's place, as usual, plus, Doms a prat, he thinks he's the best thing ever" I answered, expecting either him or Jack to protest.
"Yeah, he is a bit, isn't he? Look, I tell you what, why don't we all go back to my place and get wasted with a couple of movies, you know, bring the party with us? That way you still get to be with Sarah, but we get to hang out with you too. Actually, why don't we invite a couple more people? You could invite that girl you like, Rhys, and maybe I could get a few more girls round" suggested Jack, putting me off my guard.
"Hey, guys, you don't need to miss out on the fun just 'cause I'm not going" I said, because, well, it was true, they didn't need to.
" Dude, we weren't going to go anyway, the Winston brothers are going to be there, and so is Carla" Jack told me, his whole face going cold and hard whilst he said that last word.
I was sure, and still am, that he'd loved Carla, really loved her. Now I look back on it, she fucked his life up with her actions.
They'd been together for just over six months, and they seemed happy together, Jack was ecstatic, but one weekend Jack had needed to go to his grandmother's funeral, she'd lived in the U.S., so he would have had to have been gone for the whole weekend. During that weekend there was a party at Jake Taylor's house, Carla was a party girl, so she went, she got extremely drunk and woke up naked in Jake's bed. I now know for sure Jack would have forgiven that, but she went on to sleep with another five men, this time without even the excuse of being drunk.
What Carla didn't know was that Jack had refused to go to his grandmother's funeral, making the excuse of having to revise.
When he got to the party on Saturday night, he'd found her blowing one of the jocks and, well .. you get the picture. Jack wasn't a coward, but he wasn't stupid either. There and then he'd just called her a disgusting whore and left. He'd had a strong rope in his hand and had been wandering towards the park when I'd found him, at first he'd just yelled and screamed at me to go away, but slowly he'd stopped crying and he'd calmed down slightly.
No one out of our little group of friends had spoken to any of the involved after that, but that said, Rhys and I torched her car and her flat. Jack, on the other hand, just drew a blank for about six months after the incident. We'd only had him back for six months when this all happened.
"Oh, okay, I understand, what time should we be at yours then?" I asked, a bit less enthusiastically.
"I'd say about eight-ish , should I get some beer? Rhys, what do you think?" He said, directing that last bit to our perverted friend.
"Yeah, you get beer and drink, I'll get the weed and Chris'll get the food" Rhys replied, with a massive smile on his face.
"Alright then, it's settled, at eight at my house, you two sort out weed and food and I'll get the alcohol. Right, I've got Biology, so I'm off, I'll see you two later." Jack said enthusiastically as he walked off down the corridor.
"Seems like it's just us two again, buddy, what have we got next?" Rhys asked me, smiling happily.
"Latin" I said, my mood darkening as I remembered that fact.
After school had ended I walked home with Sarah (Who is now my wife and the mother of my three children, I love you darling), then we'd gone to get some fish and chips and some frozen pizzas and loads of chocolate. When we got back to her house we found Rhys stood at the door with a face that could have killed.
"Rhys! What are you doing here ? It's only half-six" I yelled from the front gate.
"You'll need to sit down, let's talk inside" he said, seriously.
Once we were inside and I'd put the food away and out the kettle on, Rhys finally started talking.
"Jacks in jail, it's serious this time, he's murdered Carla and her boyfriend and hung her up, naked, from the ceiling of her block of apartments with the words " You fucked me up, so now it's your turn" carved into her back" he said, somberly.
"Oh my God!" I distinctly remember hearing Sarah say.
" Is there any way he could get away wit it?" I asked, knowing very well as a keen law student that there wasn't.
"You know as well as I do that there isn't" he replied.
"What happened? He seemed to be back to normal, what did she do to make him snap?" Sarah asked Rhys.
"Apparently she went round his house and apologized, she said that she wished they were still together" he replied, sighing.
" IT WAS HER FUCKING FAULT THEY SPLIT UP, THE STUPID BITCH!" I screamed angrily.
"It's amazing what one slut can do though" said Sarah, or at least I think so, I couldn't really understand anything, I was still in shock.
But then a sudden realization dawned on me:
" We have to get him out of there, he'll never survive prison, no matter what it means for us, we have to get him out of there, out of this country if it's necessary" I said to no-one in particular.
They both looked at me, for a few seconds it was silent, then they both started talking at once.
"ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?!?!?!?!" screamed Sarah while at the same time Rhys said " It's not possible, we would never get away with it"
"But he'll never be the same!" I shouted back.
"Look, honey, be realistic, what are two seventeen year-olds going to do? On top of that, he's never going to be the same again anyway." then, out of the blue Sarah asked, with a strange look on her face, "Hang on, I just realized something, Jack's still underage isn't he?"
" Yes, he is, why?" I asked, puzzled.
" He'll go to one of those correctional things for minors then won't he?" she told me smugly.
"Only till he turns eighteen in June, I think, am I right Rhys? " I asked my friend hoping I wasn't.
"I'm fucked if I know, mate. But it was provoked, so that should take time off his sentence" he said, positively.
" That depends on the judge and the jury. We have to see him, did he ask for a lawyer?" I asked Rhys, hoping the answer was yes.
" He said he didn't see the point, seeing as they caught him red-handed, literally" Rhys told me, shaking his head disapprovingly.
"Idiot!" I sighed,
I won't bore you by telling you the whole conversation, it went on for over an hour, and to be honest, it was about twenty years ago, so I don't remember too much of it, suffice to say, we all agreed that though Carla had deserved it, Jack had done a stupid thing in killing her.
For two days before we went to see him, Rhys, Sarah and I looked through past cases and looked at all the different laws. Finally, when we went to see him, we had a case set up, and we had all the information we could find, and along with that we'd drawn up a figure, 30 years at most, but due to the situation, and his age, it could go as low as fifteen with parole on five for good behaviour, but we weren't optimistic, it all depended on what he'd said to the police.
"Right this way, my young friends, but remember, visiting times end in half an hour" said the guard to us, kindly.
He was a nice guy, he'd been a guard in there forever, he was almost a family friend I'd met him so many times, he was that typical guard you get in movies, with a doughnut and a cup of tea, a big paunch and a receding hairline, the one abnormality was his eye.patch.
"Cheers, Al, we'll be out by then, is it alright if I take in this briefcase?" I asked him.
His kind face became thoughtful for a few seconds then he said " Sure thing, kiddo" and walked off.
"Chris, Rhys, Sarah." Jack said, formally.
"Jack" I replied in the same manner.
" What can I say guys? It's nice to see some other faces apart from old Al's out there" said Jake with a forced smile.
"Look, Jack, we're here to talk about your case, we're here as your lawyers. We're guessing anything between fifteen ad thirty years, with parole on five if you're good." Rhys told him awkwardly.
"Oh, I see, that's why you didn't come earlier then" he said, slightly downhearted." Look, you three, I'm not going to get away with it, I deserve more than thirty years, I can't believe what I've done"
Only then did I see the bags under his eyes, the tufts of hair that had been pulled out, seemingly by his own hands, the bruises on his knuckles (that looked broken) and his tear stained cheeks.
"You still loved her didn't you? You couldn't bear to see her walk away from you, could you? Right now you're probably wishing you HAD killed yourself that day, and I bet you're even planning on how to do it while you're in here" I said after suddenly realising what hat really happened. " You, didn't kill her out of vengeance" I continued " You killed her because you wanted to be with her, these six months have just been a mask, haven't they? Wait, they caught you before you'd finished! You were going to kill yourself too, weren´t you?"
"How can you tell?" he asked, surprised.
"Now I look back, nothing fits in, you were with us, you partied, you slept with girls, you did everything you used to, but I never once heard you laugh, oh, yes, a forced chuckle every now and then, but not once did you laugh properly, you were as much of a shell as after it happened, but you covered it up, you pretended, for us." I told him, astounded that I hadn't noticed before.
"That's not true! I was just as happy as I used to be!" he replied exasperated.
"No, you weren't, not one bit" I reproached.
"Actually, Chris, you're right, he never was quite into anything, was he? Even that time we went to your cousin John's, he wasn't right." agreed Rhys.
"You're both wrong, I was moving on, I was fine, guys, I was!!" Jack said to us both, almost crying.
"Jack, they're both right, and you know it, Jack, if you were unhappy, you should have talked with us, gone to counselling, I mean, hiding it didn't help, did it? Come on, Jack, admit it, you weren't happy" Sarah said.
" Okay, okay, it's true, I was miserable, I needed her back and I didn't tell you guys, or anyone, because I didn't want you to worry." Jack finally admitted.
"You should have told us" Rhys told him as I nodded my agreement.
"Look, let's move on, Jack, do you want us to try and lighten your sentence?" I asked him carefully.
"I see no point in living in a world without her" he replied.
The next few days were a buzz of activity, meetings with Jack, consultations with my fellow law students and suchlike activities.
If you remember, I said I was in my last year of Bacciloriate, so, technically I shouldn't have been studying law, but the truth is I'd been studying law in my spare time since I was fourteen, and because I did, I spoke with a lot of university students, henceforth the reference to "my fellow law students".
As I was saying, the next few days consisted of work, I'd put my studies aside, hoping that I could take them up again properly later in the year though I knew I'd have it hard.
Jack's hearing was supposed to be in two months time, and I had to help him in every way I could, so I asked all my contacts in the university, and all their friends in the law industry, I asked for help, for any different views on the case, any options that I couldn't see, I didn't ask them to set aside their studies, or their work, I just asked them to take a quick look at the case.
The only suggestion I got was to plead insanity on his behalf, which was probably right anyway, so I wouldn't have to lie.
I decided to get a couple of psychiatrists to analize him to determine whether or not he was sane, that was the only way he'd get off lightly.
So, a week after the "incident", I called the local psychiatrist.
"Doctor Entwistle?" I asked.
"Yes? What can I do to help you?" he replied, politely.
"Well, look, I'm trying to put a case together for my friend, and I'm not sure he's mentally stable, his whole sentence may rest on that fact, so I need you to check him over, when could you come to the cells and start? The money wont matter. I have the funds." I explained.
"Well, I'll need at least three sessions for a full examination, but I can start next week. I'm curious, could you tell me what the charges are?" he inquired, polite as ever.
"He has murdered two people, his ex-girlfriend and her boyfriend, there are deep reasons for his actions but I suspect that you'd prefer to hear them from him" I replied, carefully.
"Oh my God! I'm terribly curious for the "whys" and, yes, you're right, I'd much prefer to hear them from him. Okay, the fee, in total, will be one thousand two-hundred euros. I'll be in the police station on Monday, I suppose the afternoon would be better?" he said.
"No, I don't need to be there, and I will have other things to do too. So, go whenever it's easiest for you, and thank you." I replied calmly.
"It's a pleasure, Goodbye" he said in a way that obviously meant * I have other matters to attend to, GET OF MY PHONE!*
I knew that one psychiatrist wouldn't be valuable enough proof, I'd need another one at least to verify the results.
Either way, the next thing was a lawyer, because, although I knew my stuff and I'd put the case together well enough, I couldn't defend him in court because I wasn't qualified. So I called a friend of mine who was part of a law firm, his name was Dan Jhaymes.
"Dan?" I asked, once more.
"Oh, hello, Chris, what can I do for you?" he replied.
"As you well know, I can't present my friend Jack's case in court myself, because I don't have the qualifications, all I'd need you to do would be to present it for me in court. I'll have the case sorted" I explained to him in an almost pleading voice.
"What do you plan to do?" he asked, curious.
" I'm subjecting him to a psychiatric examination, because I think he isn't mentally stable and because I'm going to plead insanity on his behalf." I told him.
"Good idea, OK, I'll present your case, but I DON'T want paying, you are almost a brother to me and any friend of yours is a friend of mine, and anyway, it´s good for my reputation" he said, cutting off my unenthusiastic protest.
"Thank you, so much, I didn't know where I was going to get the money, I'm still gathering funds for my wedding next year, and my university fund is too low already to take anything out of it. Rhys can't help, he's still paying his house, Jack spent all his money on a car for his driving lessons. I think so far its adding up to about five thousand, I don't think I can handle all this. But don't worry, I'll find a way. Thanks again, see you around then, mate." I replied, flustered and frustrated.
"Ok, see you, don't worry, I seriously don't mind, Chris, anyone would be glad and proud to call you a friend, me included, it really shows what you're made of, the way you're prepared to sacrifice so much to help a friend out ." he said just before he put the phone down.
Now I look back, I realize that I´d started the case even though Jack had said he didn't want me to, and I now know, thanks to Sarah, why he came around to the idea.
Nothing else important happened that week, I just studied, the next important occurrence was on the Monday after Dr. Entwistle had spoken to Jack.
It was four o' clock, and I'd just got home when I got a call.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Hi, Chris isn't it?" It was Dr. Entwistle.
"Yes, it is" I replied.
" Well, I've got some news, even after just one session it's obvious that he's either schizophrenic or bipolar. He also may have had a personality split due to the recent occurrences, it seems like his spirit, his determination has been broken" he told me
"That's good news as a lawyer, but as a friend, it's really bad, do you think he'll get better ever?" I asked, worried for my best friend.
"I don't know, thats what I'll find out in the next two sessions" he replied.
I can't actually remember what happened for the two weeks after Dr. Entwistle called me, it was all too fast, I had to get a confirmation on what he'd said, and also, when he finished the examination, he discovered that what he'd thought after the first day was totally correct, or at least that was his *professional* opinion was.
The next thing I remember happening was my birthday, the first of October, I didn't really want to do anything, but Sarah, Rhys and John insisted, I realize that I haven't said anything about John yet, so I'll just say a couple of things about him, John was a Londoner, he was a bit of a chav, wearing his socks outside of his trousers, but I guess I never did understand chav style,, he was taller than me and had quite long brown hair, very dark brown. He was older than me, but he'd repeated, he'd been kept back a year. He was a bit of an annoying little kid, mentally at least.
So, as I was saying, they insisted, so I decided to just have a day out with Sarah, I wanted to go to the cinema and then go for a meal, but no, we had to go bowling, and, as you can imagine, I was a rubbish bowler, why am I telling you all this? Because I'm going to tell you what happened at the bowling alley...
It was my last throw, all our scores were equal ( a miracle in itself), I had to make it count....
I chose my favourite ball, took a little run-up, and aimed... the ball went flying, but it wasn't alone, I went with the goddamned thing! It hadn't come off my finger! I went flying down the alley, smashed into the pins( STRIKE!) and slipped into the machine at the back, on the way, I ripped my jeans, broke my left arm and got severe concussion, the best birthday present ever!?!?!?!
I spent the next 6 hours in A&E, waiting for someone to take the FUCKING ball of my hand and bandage my arm, After all that was done, I went to visit Dan, he needed to be kept up to date with the situation, so he could present the case properly.
"Jesus Christ! What happened to you?" Dan exclaimed.
"Raving mad bowling balls attacked me" I replied.
" Happy Birthday for the other day, man.How is everything? Well, your arms fucked, but apart from that, hows the case?"he inquired.
" Everything's fine, thanks man, the case is good, the psychiatrist has confirmed his insanity, so there we go" I replied " I came round to give you the details of the diagnostic, he's a schizophrenic and he's got a big personality split, due to the things that Carla did to him"
"Hmm... I'm not sure whether it's enough to go on, schizophrenia is very common, we can work with the split though" Was his only response to my statement.
"Ok, thats all you really need to know, I'm off to see a record producer and a bank manager, Sorry, man." I said as a goodbye.
" What, no cuppa, nor anything?" He asked surprised.
"No, sorry, it's really important, see you around."
" Oh, Ok, see you then" he said as he shut the door.
I left Dan's house slightly confused, were we doing the right thing in helping Jack? Of course we were, IDIOT!
I haven't said anything about my band, so I'll explain now, we'd started off jamming in my dad's garage, covering Bullet For My Valentine and Green Day songs, then we started doing cover gigs, it wasn't original material but at least our performance improved to no end.
I remember the first time we played some of our own stuff, we played one song, "Justice", it's still my best song to date, they loved it.
We put in two more songs to our set to back up "Justice", they were "Revenge" and "Through Times of Endless Hate", we'd just written all fourteen songs on what was to be our debut album when the record producer turned up and offered to release it on his Independent label.
His name was Scott Ingham.
My band was, and is, a quintet, Tomm plays the drums, Julian plays rhythm guitar, Zack plays the bass and Rob is our lead singer. I am, in my free time, lead guitarist, back-up singer and screamer.
We Are... Vengeance, what a cool name it seemed.
As usual, I travelled by bus, because I didn't like motorbikes or bycicles, and I couldn't drive a car.
You must be wondering why I'm telling you about my band by now...well... I'm telling you because, with the proceeds from the bands gigs and record contract I paid for Jack's trial.
I reached Nergrim Studios about forty-five minutes later, and ten minutes after that I was sat at a desk in front of Scott Ingham.
"Chris! So nice to see you again, I suspect you've come to speak about W.A.V's album, then?" he said to me as soon as I sat down.
"Yes, I am, I've spoken to the rest of the band, and due to circumstances we'd like to bring forward the release date to next week, seeing as all the tracks have been mixed, etc." I told him, willing to get it over with as quickly as possible, I had BETTER THINGS TO DO.
"Whoa, whoa, slow down there, little buddy! Let's not get straight down to buisness, first of all; how are you?" he said, getting immediately on my nerves.
"I'm not too good, I'm extremely busy, because I'm managing a friend's court case and on top of that I still need to do this and school, so, I'm basically busy all day every day. The stress is starting to get to me too. I need to get this record out as soon as possible so I can start doing gigs properly and get some money" I told him all in one burst.
"You amaze me! How can you manage to do all of that at once, Chris? You're only seventeen. By rights you aren't even legally independent, are you? You're incredible, mate." he said to me, with a look of complete incredulity on his face.
"I'm having trouble with the monitary side of it, as is obvious, but apart from that it's OK. And by the way, about the independence part of it, theres no problem, seeing as I'm emancipated. That's how we can do this deal, because otherwise we would need my parent's consent, wouldn't we?" I told him, getting more impatient by the second.
" True, you're a smart kid, Chris, and extremely talented, it's not very often both qualities are so obviously present in one individual. I'd love to be able to say that we could bring it forward to next week, but the nearest I can get is next month, seeing as we need to give it some publicity at least, and we'll have to organize a back-up tour, so, although it is, as in the contract, your choice as to when it`s released, the physical reality is that it is impossible. Sorry" he replied, with a look of genuine regret on his face.
"Can't we put out a demo of one of the tracks on iTunes or something? I really need money, Scott, I'm desperate." I said, truthfully, although the guy was truly seconds away from being head-butted.
" You should have said, I can give you your part of the 20000 record deal we struck, in truth I shouldn't until we've sold the first 10000 records, but, in these circumstances I think I can bend the rules. I'm sure you're going to be a big success so I don't consider it a gamble, just give me your account number and I'll transfer your 4000." he said, surprising me to the point I almost fell off the chair.
"Um..Errr...I don't know what to say, thank you, so much" I replied, with difficulty.
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To be continued when the next part is written.
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Well, I guess some people are just crazy, I know Jack and Rhys were anyway.
Hah! Jack, well, Jack was a nice guy, but, he was also a bit of a prick, always messing about, turning up at my house at five o' clock in the morning with two six packs of beer and about half an ounce of weed. Oh, no, he didn't come round to have a party in drink with me, he turned up to hide from the cops that were chasing him for whatever it was that he'd done that time.
Rhys was just nuts, I sometimes still wonder how many times he was caught filming the girls in the changing rooms. Very sexually frustrated, a virgin still at 17, not because he was ugly or a bad person, but because he was a little perverted.
Me, well, me... I guess I was just a standard seventeen-year old guy... bullshit, I was NOT normal, I wasn't too into parties, I hated the beach, and I'd already been with my girlfriend for three years, I was a serious student, and a serious musician. I'm not saying I was boring, hell no! When it came to getting drunk and high, I was the first one there. I remember doing loads of shit-crazy stuff with both of them, like the time when we were arrested for moonying the Mayor.
I'm going to tell you about my, well, our, last year before we went to university, that year was also MY last year of mucking about, actually, it was my FIRST year of mucking about, but after that year I was a married man, so it doesn't count.
Well, you see, it all started on a Friday, the first Friday after term started.
I was going to stay at my fiancée's house that night, as usual, but while I was at school, my plans were destined to change.
"Dude, so are you going to Dom's party?" Rhys asked me, knowing the answer already.
" Nah, mate, I'm going to Sarah's place, as usual, plus, Doms a prat, he thinks he's the best thing ever" I answered, expecting either him or Jack to protest.
"Yeah, he is a bit, isn't he? Look, I tell you what, why don't we all go back to my place and get wasted with a couple of movies, you know, bring the party with us? That way you still get to be with Sarah, but we get to hang out with you too. Actually, why don't we invite a couple more people? You could invite that girl you like, Rhys, and maybe I could get a few more girls round" suggested Jack, putting me off my guard.
"Hey, guys, you don't need to miss out on the fun just 'cause I'm not going" I said, because, well, it was true, they didn't need to.
" Dude, we weren't going to go anyway, the Winston brothers are going to be there, and so is Carla" Jack told me, his whole face going cold and hard whilst he said that last word.
I was sure, and still am, that he'd loved Carla, really loved her. Now I look back on it, she fucked his life up with her actions.
They'd been together for just over six months, and they seemed happy together, Jack was ecstatic, but one weekend Jack had needed to go to his grandmother's funeral, she'd lived in the U.S., so he would have had to have been gone for the whole weekend. During that weekend there was a party at Jake Taylor's house, Carla was a party girl, so she went, she got extremely drunk and woke up naked in Jake's bed. I now know for sure Jack would have forgiven that, but she went on to sleep with another five men, this time without even the excuse of being drunk.
What Carla didn't know was that Jack had refused to go to his grandmother's funeral, making the excuse of having to revise.
When he got to the party on Saturday night, he'd found her blowing one of the jocks and, well .. you get the picture. Jack wasn't a coward, but he wasn't stupid either. There and then he'd just called her a disgusting whore and left. He'd had a strong rope in his hand and had been wandering towards the park when I'd found him, at first he'd just yelled and screamed at me to go away, but slowly he'd stopped crying and he'd calmed down slightly.
No one out of our little group of friends had spoken to any of the involved after that, but that said, Rhys and I torched her car and her flat. Jack, on the other hand, just drew a blank for about six months after the incident. We'd only had him back for six months when this all happened.
"Oh, okay, I understand, what time should we be at yours then?" I asked, a bit less enthusiastically.
"I'd say about eight-ish , should I get some beer? Rhys, what do you think?" He said, directing that last bit to our perverted friend.
"Yeah, you get beer and drink, I'll get the weed and Chris'll get the food" Rhys replied, with a massive smile on his face.
"Alright then, it's settled, at eight at my house, you two sort out weed and food and I'll get the alcohol. Right, I've got Biology, so I'm off, I'll see you two later." Jack said enthusiastically as he walked off down the corridor.
"Seems like it's just us two again, buddy, what have we got next?" Rhys asked me, smiling happily.
"Latin" I said, my mood darkening as I remembered that fact.
After school had ended I walked home with Sarah (Who is now my wife and the mother of my three children, I love you darling), then we'd gone to get some fish and chips and some frozen pizzas and loads of chocolate. When we got back to her house we found Rhys stood at the door with a face that could have killed.
"Rhys! What are you doing here ? It's only half-six" I yelled from the front gate.
"You'll need to sit down, let's talk inside" he said, seriously.
Once we were inside and I'd put the food away and out the kettle on, Rhys finally started talking.
"Jacks in jail, it's serious this time, he's murdered Carla and her boyfriend and hung her up, naked, from the ceiling of her block of apartments with the words " You fucked me up, so now it's your turn" carved into her back" he said, somberly.
"Oh my God!" I distinctly remember hearing Sarah say.
" Is there any way he could get away wit it?" I asked, knowing very well as a keen law student that there wasn't.
"You know as well as I do that there isn't" he replied.
"What happened? He seemed to be back to normal, what did she do to make him snap?" Sarah asked Rhys.
"Apparently she went round his house and apologized, she said that she wished they were still together" he replied, sighing.
" IT WAS HER FUCKING FAULT THEY SPLIT UP, THE STUPID BITCH!" I screamed angrily.
"It's amazing what one slut can do though" said Sarah, or at least I think so, I couldn't really understand anything, I was still in shock.
But then a sudden realization dawned on me:
" We have to get him out of there, he'll never survive prison, no matter what it means for us, we have to get him out of there, out of this country if it's necessary" I said to no-one in particular.
They both looked at me, for a few seconds it was silent, then they both started talking at once.
"ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?!?!?!?!" screamed Sarah while at the same time Rhys said " It's not possible, we would never get away with it"
"But he'll never be the same!" I shouted back.
"Look, honey, be realistic, what are two seventeen year-olds going to do? On top of that, he's never going to be the same again anyway." then, out of the blue Sarah asked, with a strange look on her face, "Hang on, I just realized something, Jack's still underage isn't he?"
" Yes, he is, why?" I asked, puzzled.
" He'll go to one of those correctional things for minors then won't he?" she told me smugly.
"Only till he turns eighteen in June, I think, am I right Rhys? " I asked my friend hoping I wasn't.
"I'm fucked if I know, mate. But it was provoked, so that should take time off his sentence" he said, positively.
" That depends on the judge and the jury. We have to see him, did he ask for a lawyer?" I asked Rhys, hoping the answer was yes.
" He said he didn't see the point, seeing as they caught him red-handed, literally" Rhys told me, shaking his head disapprovingly.
"Idiot!" I sighed,
I won't bore you by telling you the whole conversation, it went on for over an hour, and to be honest, it was about twenty years ago, so I don't remember too much of it, suffice to say, we all agreed that though Carla had deserved it, Jack had done a stupid thing in killing her.
For two days before we went to see him, Rhys, Sarah and I looked through past cases and looked at all the different laws. Finally, when we went to see him, we had a case set up, and we had all the information we could find, and along with that we'd drawn up a figure, 30 years at most, but due to the situation, and his age, it could go as low as fifteen with parole on five for good behaviour, but we weren't optimistic, it all depended on what he'd said to the police.
"Right this way, my young friends, but remember, visiting times end in half an hour" said the guard to us, kindly.
He was a nice guy, he'd been a guard in there forever, he was almost a family friend I'd met him so many times, he was that typical guard you get in movies, with a doughnut and a cup of tea, a big paunch and a receding hairline, the one abnormality was his eye.patch.
"Cheers, Al, we'll be out by then, is it alright if I take in this briefcase?" I asked him.
His kind face became thoughtful for a few seconds then he said " Sure thing, kiddo" and walked off.
"Chris, Rhys, Sarah." Jack said, formally.
"Jack" I replied in the same manner.
" What can I say guys? It's nice to see some other faces apart from old Al's out there" said Jake with a forced smile.
"Look, Jack, we're here to talk about your case, we're here as your lawyers. We're guessing anything between fifteen ad thirty years, with parole on five if you're good." Rhys told him awkwardly.
"Oh, I see, that's why you didn't come earlier then" he said, slightly downhearted." Look, you three, I'm not going to get away with it, I deserve more than thirty years, I can't believe what I've done"
Only then did I see the bags under his eyes, the tufts of hair that had been pulled out, seemingly by his own hands, the bruises on his knuckles (that looked broken) and his tear stained cheeks.
"You still loved her didn't you? You couldn't bear to see her walk away from you, could you? Right now you're probably wishing you HAD killed yourself that day, and I bet you're even planning on how to do it while you're in here" I said after suddenly realising what hat really happened. " You, didn't kill her out of vengeance" I continued " You killed her because you wanted to be with her, these six months have just been a mask, haven't they? Wait, they caught you before you'd finished! You were going to kill yourself too, weren´t you?"
"How can you tell?" he asked, surprised.
"Now I look back, nothing fits in, you were with us, you partied, you slept with girls, you did everything you used to, but I never once heard you laugh, oh, yes, a forced chuckle every now and then, but not once did you laugh properly, you were as much of a shell as after it happened, but you covered it up, you pretended, for us." I told him, astounded that I hadn't noticed before.
"That's not true! I was just as happy as I used to be!" he replied exasperated.
"No, you weren't, not one bit" I reproached.
"Actually, Chris, you're right, he never was quite into anything, was he? Even that time we went to your cousin John's, he wasn't right." agreed Rhys.
"You're both wrong, I was moving on, I was fine, guys, I was!!" Jack said to us both, almost crying.
"Jack, they're both right, and you know it, Jack, if you were unhappy, you should have talked with us, gone to counselling, I mean, hiding it didn't help, did it? Come on, Jack, admit it, you weren't happy" Sarah said.
" Okay, okay, it's true, I was miserable, I needed her back and I didn't tell you guys, or anyone, because I didn't want you to worry." Jack finally admitted.
"You should have told us" Rhys told him as I nodded my agreement.
"Look, let's move on, Jack, do you want us to try and lighten your sentence?" I asked him carefully.
"I see no point in living in a world without her" he replied.
The next few days were a buzz of activity, meetings with Jack, consultations with my fellow law students and suchlike activities.
If you remember, I said I was in my last year of Bacciloriate, so, technically I shouldn't have been studying law, but the truth is I'd been studying law in my spare time since I was fourteen, and because I did, I spoke with a lot of university students, henceforth the reference to "my fellow law students".
As I was saying, the next few days consisted of work, I'd put my studies aside, hoping that I could take them up again properly later in the year though I knew I'd have it hard.
Jack's hearing was supposed to be in two months time, and I had to help him in every way I could, so I asked all my contacts in the university, and all their friends in the law industry, I asked for help, for any different views on the case, any options that I couldn't see, I didn't ask them to set aside their studies, or their work, I just asked them to take a quick look at the case.
The only suggestion I got was to plead insanity on his behalf, which was probably right anyway, so I wouldn't have to lie.
I decided to get a couple of psychiatrists to analize him to determine whether or not he was sane, that was the only way he'd get off lightly.
So, a week after the "incident", I called the local psychiatrist.
"Doctor Entwistle?" I asked.
"Yes? What can I do to help you?" he replied, politely.
"Well, look, I'm trying to put a case together for my friend, and I'm not sure he's mentally stable, his whole sentence may rest on that fact, so I need you to check him over, when could you come to the cells and start? The money wont matter. I have the funds." I explained.
"Well, I'll need at least three sessions for a full examination, but I can start next week. I'm curious, could you tell me what the charges are?" he inquired, polite as ever.
"He has murdered two people, his ex-girlfriend and her boyfriend, there are deep reasons for his actions but I suspect that you'd prefer to hear them from him" I replied, carefully.
"Oh my God! I'm terribly curious for the "whys" and, yes, you're right, I'd much prefer to hear them from him. Okay, the fee, in total, will be one thousand two-hundred euros. I'll be in the police station on Monday, I suppose the afternoon would be better?" he said.
"No, I don't need to be there, and I will have other things to do too. So, go whenever it's easiest for you, and thank you." I replied calmly.
"It's a pleasure, Goodbye" he said in a way that obviously meant * I have other matters to attend to, GET OF MY PHONE!*
I knew that one psychiatrist wouldn't be valuable enough proof, I'd need another one at least to verify the results.
Either way, the next thing was a lawyer, because, although I knew my stuff and I'd put the case together well enough, I couldn't defend him in court because I wasn't qualified. So I called a friend of mine who was part of a law firm, his name was Dan Jhaymes.
"Dan?" I asked, once more.
"Oh, hello, Chris, what can I do for you?" he replied.
"As you well know, I can't present my friend Jack's case in court myself, because I don't have the qualifications, all I'd need you to do would be to present it for me in court. I'll have the case sorted" I explained to him in an almost pleading voice.
"What do you plan to do?" he asked, curious.
" I'm subjecting him to a psychiatric examination, because I think he isn't mentally stable and because I'm going to plead insanity on his behalf." I told him.
"Good idea, OK, I'll present your case, but I DON'T want paying, you are almost a brother to me and any friend of yours is a friend of mine, and anyway, it´s good for my reputation" he said, cutting off my unenthusiastic protest.
"Thank you, so much, I didn't know where I was going to get the money, I'm still gathering funds for my wedding next year, and my university fund is too low already to take anything out of it. Rhys can't help, he's still paying his house, Jack spent all his money on a car for his driving lessons. I think so far its adding up to about five thousand, I don't think I can handle all this. But don't worry, I'll find a way. Thanks again, see you around then, mate." I replied, flustered and frustrated.
"Ok, see you, don't worry, I seriously don't mind, Chris, anyone would be glad and proud to call you a friend, me included, it really shows what you're made of, the way you're prepared to sacrifice so much to help a friend out ." he said just before he put the phone down.
Now I look back, I realize that I´d started the case even though Jack had said he didn't want me to, and I now know, thanks to Sarah, why he came around to the idea.
Nothing else important happened that week, I just studied, the next important occurrence was on the Monday after Dr. Entwistle had spoken to Jack.
It was four o' clock, and I'd just got home when I got a call.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Hi, Chris isn't it?" It was Dr. Entwistle.
"Yes, it is" I replied.
" Well, I've got some news, even after just one session it's obvious that he's either schizophrenic or bipolar. He also may have had a personality split due to the recent occurrences, it seems like his spirit, his determination has been broken" he told me
"That's good news as a lawyer, but as a friend, it's really bad, do you think he'll get better ever?" I asked, worried for my best friend.
"I don't know, thats what I'll find out in the next two sessions" he replied.
I can't actually remember what happened for the two weeks after Dr. Entwistle called me, it was all too fast, I had to get a confirmation on what he'd said, and also, when he finished the examination, he discovered that what he'd thought after the first day was totally correct, or at least that was his *professional* opinion was.
The next thing I remember happening was my birthday, the first of October, I didn't really want to do anything, but Sarah, Rhys and John insisted, I realize that I haven't said anything about John yet, so I'll just say a couple of things about him, John was a Londoner, he was a bit of a chav, wearing his socks outside of his trousers, but I guess I never did understand chav style,, he was taller than me and had quite long brown hair, very dark brown. He was older than me, but he'd repeated, he'd been kept back a year. He was a bit of an annoying little kid, mentally at least.
So, as I was saying, they insisted, so I decided to just have a day out with Sarah, I wanted to go to the cinema and then go for a meal, but no, we had to go bowling, and, as you can imagine, I was a rubbish bowler, why am I telling you all this? Because I'm going to tell you what happened at the bowling alley...
It was my last throw, all our scores were equal ( a miracle in itself), I had to make it count....
I chose my favourite ball, took a little run-up, and aimed... the ball went flying, but it wasn't alone, I went with the goddamned thing! It hadn't come off my finger! I went flying down the alley, smashed into the pins( STRIKE!) and slipped into the machine at the back, on the way, I ripped my jeans, broke my left arm and got severe concussion, the best birthday present ever!?!?!?!
I spent the next 6 hours in A&E, waiting for someone to take the FUCKING ball of my hand and bandage my arm, After all that was done, I went to visit Dan, he needed to be kept up to date with the situation, so he could present the case properly.
"Jesus Christ! What happened to you?" Dan exclaimed.
"Raving mad bowling balls attacked me" I replied.
" Happy Birthday for the other day, man.How is everything? Well, your arms fucked, but apart from that, hows the case?"he inquired.
" Everything's fine, thanks man, the case is good, the psychiatrist has confirmed his insanity, so there we go" I replied " I came round to give you the details of the diagnostic, he's a schizophrenic and he's got a big personality split, due to the things that Carla did to him"
"Hmm... I'm not sure whether it's enough to go on, schizophrenia is very common, we can work with the split though" Was his only response to my statement.
"Ok, thats all you really need to know, I'm off to see a record producer and a bank manager, Sorry, man." I said as a goodbye.
" What, no cuppa, nor anything?" He asked surprised.
"No, sorry, it's really important, see you around."
" Oh, Ok, see you then" he said as he shut the door.
I left Dan's house slightly confused, were we doing the right thing in helping Jack? Of course we were, IDIOT!
I haven't said anything about my band, so I'll explain now, we'd started off jamming in my dad's garage, covering Bullet For My Valentine and Green Day songs, then we started doing cover gigs, it wasn't original material but at least our performance improved to no end.
I remember the first time we played some of our own stuff, we played one song, "Justice", it's still my best song to date, they loved it.
We put in two more songs to our set to back up "Justice", they were "Revenge" and "Through Times of Endless Hate", we'd just written all fourteen songs on what was to be our debut album when the record producer turned up and offered to release it on his Independent label.
His name was Scott Ingham.
My band was, and is, a quintet, Tomm plays the drums, Julian plays rhythm guitar, Zack plays the bass and Rob is our lead singer. I am, in my free time, lead guitarist, back-up singer and screamer.
We Are... Vengeance, what a cool name it seemed.
As usual, I travelled by bus, because I didn't like motorbikes or bycicles, and I couldn't drive a car.
You must be wondering why I'm telling you about my band by now...well... I'm telling you because, with the proceeds from the bands gigs and record contract I paid for Jack's trial.
I reached Nergrim Studios about forty-five minutes later, and ten minutes after that I was sat at a desk in front of Scott Ingham.
"Chris! So nice to see you again, I suspect you've come to speak about W.A.V's album, then?" he said to me as soon as I sat down.
"Yes, I am, I've spoken to the rest of the band, and due to circumstances we'd like to bring forward the release date to next week, seeing as all the tracks have been mixed, etc." I told him, willing to get it over with as quickly as possible, I had BETTER THINGS TO DO.
"Whoa, whoa, slow down there, little buddy! Let's not get straight down to buisness, first of all; how are you?" he said, getting immediately on my nerves.
"I'm not too good, I'm extremely busy, because I'm managing a friend's court case and on top of that I still need to do this and school, so, I'm basically busy all day every day. The stress is starting to get to me too. I need to get this record out as soon as possible so I can start doing gigs properly and get some money" I told him all in one burst.
"You amaze me! How can you manage to do all of that at once, Chris? You're only seventeen. By rights you aren't even legally independent, are you? You're incredible, mate." he said to me, with a look of complete incredulity on his face.
"I'm having trouble with the monitary side of it, as is obvious, but apart from that it's OK. And by the way, about the independence part of it, theres no problem, seeing as I'm emancipated. That's how we can do this deal, because otherwise we would need my parent's consent, wouldn't we?" I told him, getting more impatient by the second.
" True, you're a smart kid, Chris, and extremely talented, it's not very often both qualities are so obviously present in one individual. I'd love to be able to say that we could bring it forward to next week, but the nearest I can get is next month, seeing as we need to give it some publicity at least, and we'll have to organize a back-up tour, so, although it is, as in the contract, your choice as to when it`s released, the physical reality is that it is impossible. Sorry" he replied, with a look of genuine regret on his face.
"Can't we put out a demo of one of the tracks on iTunes or something? I really need money, Scott, I'm desperate." I said, truthfully, although the guy was truly seconds away from being head-butted.
" You should have said, I can give you your part of the 20000 record deal we struck, in truth I shouldn't until we've sold the first 10000 records, but, in these circumstances I think I can bend the rules. I'm sure you're going to be a big success so I don't consider it a gamble, just give me your account number and I'll transfer your 4000." he said, surprising me to the point I almost fell off the chair.
"Um..Errr...I don't know what to say, thank you, so much" I replied, with difficulty.
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To be continued when the next part is written.
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Jack
I'm writing this in hindsight, because Chris has asked me to and my carers think it will be good for me. I noticed that though Chris describes out personalities very well, he hasn't described us physically. So, here goes.
Chris had, and has, long, straight chestnut coloured hair, greenish eyes and a just above normal face. He was closer to fat than to thin, but he wasn't fat at all really, and he was quite tall. He almost always wore jeans and a T-shirt and jacket.
Rhys was shorter than both of us, he had straight, chestnut coloured hair, quite a bit shorter than Chris' , but still longer than mine. He had blue eyes and was quite physically fit due to his affinity with sports.
I've always had quite short spiky hair, I'm blonde, and I've got blue eyes. I was always very muscular because I went to the gym, they don't let me do anything here in the asylum.
The year leading up to the "incident" was a nightmare, though after six months I could at least pretend.
The way Chris has told it, it seems that we all share the same amount of friendship, but the truth of the matter is that I got on much better with Chris than with Rhys. Both Rhys and I know this and it was the same thing with him.
Chris was kind of like the glue that held our little gang together, he acts and always has acted like he was a sort of spare part, but really he was, and is, the nicest of the three of us, he was the most helpful, he was that kind of person who's always there.
Both Rhys and I know that if it had been him and not Chris that had found me after that curséd party I would have died, not because Rhys wouldn't have tried, but because unlike Chris, he didn't feel like a brother to me. I suppose it came down to the fact that I'd known Chris since I was three years old, whereas Rhys turned up when I was nine.
Yes, that year was definitly a living hell.
I´m still in debt to Chris for saving me that time and many times after, but though now when I look back I can be glad, during that year, and the next five, I just wanted to die, my life without her was not worth living, or so it felt.
They come and see me sometimes, you know, Chris, Sarah,and their kids, Johnny, Johann and little Rosa. Johann and Chris come and visit me twice a week and the whole family comes on a Friday. Yes, they come to the asylum and chat with me, bring me news on the outside world, well, our old friends and suchlike. I get on especially well with little Johann, well, he's not that little anymore, he's sixteen now.
I'm going to tell you what happened that Friday, there are only two people who have known what really happened before now, and they are Chris and Johann, I told little Johann for his fifteenth birthday.
That morning, after our little conversation, I walked off to Biology, but I never got there, on the way I saw "her" going into the toilets with Ralph Jones, who incidentally was NOT her boyfriend. A red mist descended on me and I left, I had to kill her, she was mine, I had to kill her and myself, then she'd be mine forever and it wouldn't hurt anymore.
I planned it, I would tell her about the stuff of hers I'd found, then I'd find a way to take them to her flat, then we'd die, together, she wouldn't hurt me or anyone anymore.
So, when I jumped over the school wall I went home and put all her old stuff in a box and waited. When the clock struck three I was ready, but I knew I had to wait a while. Twenty minutes later I called her, hoping that she'd pick up.
"Jack? I never expected to speak with you again, this is a nice surprise, how are you?" she said when she finally picked up her phone.
" Hello Carla, I'm, well, getting on with my life.. look, I've found some of your old stuff here, do you want it back?" I told her, just about managing to keep my voice under control.
"Oh... umm, ok, should I come and get it this afternoon?" she asked, surprised.
"If you want, or if it's easier I could drop it off at yours." I replied, adrenaline burning through my veins.
"That would be easier, yes, see you in a bit then yeah?" she said, slightly less apprehensively.
"You still live in the same flat?" I asked, though I knew she did.
"Yeah. Right, I've got to finish my lunch and start revising, see you in about half an hour." she replied
I put down the phone and picked up the box, and on second thoughts, as I walked through the door I put a knife in my jacket pocket, careful not to rip it.
Yes! She was going to be mine again, no more hurting, no more cheating, in death we would be perfect.
Now I look back I realize she was a nymphomaniac, so she couldn't control her sexual appetite.
I was at her door, it was slightly ajar, so I coughed.
"Ah! Jack, do you want to come in?" she asked amiably with her beautiful smile, her face was so perfect, how many times had I wanted to hold and kiss that face again in these twelve months?
"Umm... ok" I replied still engrossed in her face.
I went into her flat, the adrenaline still coursed through my veins, there she was, I was almost reaching for her.
Then, suddenly, after the door had shut, she jumped at me, started kissing me and shoving her hand down my trousers. I pushed her off.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!" I shouted at her.
"I want you between my thighs, and I know you want me too, I want to feel you inside me, I've missed you, I want you back" she replied whilst approaching me and taking off her top.
I took the knife out of my pocket.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" I yelled.
"Ok, calm down, there's no need for violence" she said, scared, terrified even.
Such a beautiful face, such a perfect body, she was right, I wanted her, I wanted her BAD.
She saw the lust in my eyes and started coming towards me again,this time taking off her skirt.
"I want you too, we both want one and other, come on, it will be like old times" she said in a voice like a snake.
Thats where I snapped, old times? No way,
I stabbed her, once, twice, three times, once in the stomach and twice in the chest.
Then I heard a key turning in the door.
"Honey, I'm home." said a guy's voice. It must be her boyfriend, shit! Now what do I do? I though as I dragged her body from the living room.
I have to kill him too, that bastard's been shagging MY girl!
So I picked up my knife and took a tighter grip, readying myself, I HADN'T PLANNED THIS!
He saw the blood on the floor.
"Bloody hell! Is there anyone here?" he said, scared, and knowing, as we all do that he'd leg it if he heard a yes. He'd made one mistake, he'd shut the door, so I stepped out.
"Just me"
His whole face went pale, he was terrified.
"Jesus Christ, Jack! What have you done?" I remember him saying.
"I've taken back what's mine, you turned up early, so, I'm sorry but you have to die too"
Now that I think about it clearly, all my actions were very theatrical, but, at that time I just wanted death, lots of death.
"No! Jack! N..." his sentence was cut off by me, severing his windpipe.
Then, as Chris has said I hung her up and cut those words in her back.
I sat there for hours, my resolve gone, rocking back and forth whilst the blood on my hands dried.
"What have I done? Why? Why did she have to be such a bitch?" I kept saying to myself as I rocked.
At some point the police came in and took me away, I didn't, no, couldn't resist, I was empty.
I'm still not sure how the police got there or who called them, though later on they told me that I had called, saying "She's dead! I killed her, I can't believe it, I killed her, I killed Carla Johnson."
I don't believe them, I can't remember that, therefore it can't have happened.
The next thing I remember is the cell, the cold cell, not hard, no, because they had to make sure I couldn't hurt myself. But I still managed to, I punched the padded walls so hard and so repeatedly that, though at the time I didn't notice, I broke all of my knuckles. I didn't sleep at all until after the day Chris, Rhys and Sarah came to see me. That was the day they put me in a straightjacket, though, I think that if Chris hadn't insisted, they would have been happy to let me keep damaging myself.
Two days later, Sarah came on her own to see me.
"Jack, I know we've only known eachother for three years and that I'm not actually one of the first people you'd ask for help, or talk to, but I want you to know that all three of us will help you through this, and that you're constantly in our minds, especially Chris'. We'll get you through this, with or without your help, but it would be easier on Chris if you'd help us. He hates to see you hurting, and it hurts him when you are. There's nothing that hurts me more than to see him suffering, so I want to ask you, as a friend, will you add your efforts to the push to get you better? For Chris and Rhys, not for me"
I'd never before noticed how truly beautiful she was, not just the superficial, physical beauty that most girls have, but that natural beauty that occurs so rarely nowadays, the kind that looks great without make-up, and without dressing up. I'd always known she was a brilliant person, but I'd never realized just how much she cared for everyone.
Her long, red hair framed her beautiful face, cascading over her shoulders. Her below average height added to, rather than took away from, her beauty and her deep, brown eyes seemed about to burst from the tenderness and care in them.
She wasn't like a model, she was a REAL woman. She had a great figure, not too fat, not too thin, just perfect.
I have to clarify here that I never loved or fancied or liked, in any sexual way, Sarah, but I realized in those few seconds exactly why Chris was so devoted to her, not because of her body, or even her personality, but because of her as a whole, I still hold, until this day, that she is the sweetest, most noble person I have ever met, and thats why I like Johann, because he contains the best of both his parents, he's as perfect a person as you could get, and the nicest thing about the young man is that he's modest, I see in Johann everything I've ever wanted to be.
In that moment I envied Chris far more than any man should envy his best friend, not because I wanted to be with Sarah, but because I knew he'd found his soul-mate.
"Not for Rhys, for both Chris and you, I'll help you, I'll try to get through this, I'll work every day to forgive what I've done, I promise" I replied after a period of about three seconds.
And though at some points it all went pear-shaped, I kept that promise, and thanks to that, now I can look back with regret, but not with blame, I have forgiven myself, what happened happened because it was meant to be.
The hardest days were the first few, and among them the hardest were the days the psychiatrists came, I've always hated people being nosy, and you can imagine how much worse it was in these circumstances, there were many times during those interviews that what I wanted, above all, was to stove the respective psychiatrist's head in, but, holding on to as much resolve as I could, I answered every question as truthfully and respectively as I could.
TO BE CONTINUED AS SOON AS ITS WRITTEN.
I'm writing this in hindsight, because Chris has asked me to and my carers think it will be good for me. I noticed that though Chris describes out personalities very well, he hasn't described us physically. So, here goes.
Chris had, and has, long, straight chestnut coloured hair, greenish eyes and a just above normal face. He was closer to fat than to thin, but he wasn't fat at all really, and he was quite tall. He almost always wore jeans and a T-shirt and jacket.
Rhys was shorter than both of us, he had straight, chestnut coloured hair, quite a bit shorter than Chris' , but still longer than mine. He had blue eyes and was quite physically fit due to his affinity with sports.
I've always had quite short spiky hair, I'm blonde, and I've got blue eyes. I was always very muscular because I went to the gym, they don't let me do anything here in the asylum.
The year leading up to the "incident" was a nightmare, though after six months I could at least pretend.
The way Chris has told it, it seems that we all share the same amount of friendship, but the truth of the matter is that I got on much better with Chris than with Rhys. Both Rhys and I know this and it was the same thing with him.
Chris was kind of like the glue that held our little gang together, he acts and always has acted like he was a sort of spare part, but really he was, and is, the nicest of the three of us, he was the most helpful, he was that kind of person who's always there.
Both Rhys and I know that if it had been him and not Chris that had found me after that curséd party I would have died, not because Rhys wouldn't have tried, but because unlike Chris, he didn't feel like a brother to me. I suppose it came down to the fact that I'd known Chris since I was three years old, whereas Rhys turned up when I was nine.
Yes, that year was definitly a living hell.
I´m still in debt to Chris for saving me that time and many times after, but though now when I look back I can be glad, during that year, and the next five, I just wanted to die, my life without her was not worth living, or so it felt.
They come and see me sometimes, you know, Chris, Sarah,and their kids, Johnny, Johann and little Rosa. Johann and Chris come and visit me twice a week and the whole family comes on a Friday. Yes, they come to the asylum and chat with me, bring me news on the outside world, well, our old friends and suchlike. I get on especially well with little Johann, well, he's not that little anymore, he's sixteen now.
I'm going to tell you what happened that Friday, there are only two people who have known what really happened before now, and they are Chris and Johann, I told little Johann for his fifteenth birthday.
That morning, after our little conversation, I walked off to Biology, but I never got there, on the way I saw "her" going into the toilets with Ralph Jones, who incidentally was NOT her boyfriend. A red mist descended on me and I left, I had to kill her, she was mine, I had to kill her and myself, then she'd be mine forever and it wouldn't hurt anymore.
I planned it, I would tell her about the stuff of hers I'd found, then I'd find a way to take them to her flat, then we'd die, together, she wouldn't hurt me or anyone anymore.
So, when I jumped over the school wall I went home and put all her old stuff in a box and waited. When the clock struck three I was ready, but I knew I had to wait a while. Twenty minutes later I called her, hoping that she'd pick up.
"Jack? I never expected to speak with you again, this is a nice surprise, how are you?" she said when she finally picked up her phone.
" Hello Carla, I'm, well, getting on with my life.. look, I've found some of your old stuff here, do you want it back?" I told her, just about managing to keep my voice under control.
"Oh... umm, ok, should I come and get it this afternoon?" she asked, surprised.
"If you want, or if it's easier I could drop it off at yours." I replied, adrenaline burning through my veins.
"That would be easier, yes, see you in a bit then yeah?" she said, slightly less apprehensively.
"You still live in the same flat?" I asked, though I knew she did.
"Yeah. Right, I've got to finish my lunch and start revising, see you in about half an hour." she replied
I put down the phone and picked up the box, and on second thoughts, as I walked through the door I put a knife in my jacket pocket, careful not to rip it.
Yes! She was going to be mine again, no more hurting, no more cheating, in death we would be perfect.
Now I look back I realize she was a nymphomaniac, so she couldn't control her sexual appetite.
I was at her door, it was slightly ajar, so I coughed.
"Ah! Jack, do you want to come in?" she asked amiably with her beautiful smile, her face was so perfect, how many times had I wanted to hold and kiss that face again in these twelve months?
"Umm... ok" I replied still engrossed in her face.
I went into her flat, the adrenaline still coursed through my veins, there she was, I was almost reaching for her.
Then, suddenly, after the door had shut, she jumped at me, started kissing me and shoving her hand down my trousers. I pushed her off.
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!?!" I shouted at her.
"I want you between my thighs, and I know you want me too, I want to feel you inside me, I've missed you, I want you back" she replied whilst approaching me and taking off her top.
I took the knife out of my pocket.
"GET AWAY FROM ME!" I yelled.
"Ok, calm down, there's no need for violence" she said, scared, terrified even.
Such a beautiful face, such a perfect body, she was right, I wanted her, I wanted her BAD.
She saw the lust in my eyes and started coming towards me again,this time taking off her skirt.
"I want you too, we both want one and other, come on, it will be like old times" she said in a voice like a snake.
Thats where I snapped, old times? No way,
I stabbed her, once, twice, three times, once in the stomach and twice in the chest.
Then I heard a key turning in the door.
"Honey, I'm home." said a guy's voice. It must be her boyfriend, shit! Now what do I do? I though as I dragged her body from the living room.
I have to kill him too, that bastard's been shagging MY girl!
So I picked up my knife and took a tighter grip, readying myself, I HADN'T PLANNED THIS!
He saw the blood on the floor.
"Bloody hell! Is there anyone here?" he said, scared, and knowing, as we all do that he'd leg it if he heard a yes. He'd made one mistake, he'd shut the door, so I stepped out.
"Just me"
His whole face went pale, he was terrified.
"Jesus Christ, Jack! What have you done?" I remember him saying.
"I've taken back what's mine, you turned up early, so, I'm sorry but you have to die too"
Now that I think about it clearly, all my actions were very theatrical, but, at that time I just wanted death, lots of death.
"No! Jack! N..." his sentence was cut off by me, severing his windpipe.
Then, as Chris has said I hung her up and cut those words in her back.
I sat there for hours, my resolve gone, rocking back and forth whilst the blood on my hands dried.
"What have I done? Why? Why did she have to be such a bitch?" I kept saying to myself as I rocked.
At some point the police came in and took me away, I didn't, no, couldn't resist, I was empty.
I'm still not sure how the police got there or who called them, though later on they told me that I had called, saying "She's dead! I killed her, I can't believe it, I killed her, I killed Carla Johnson."
I don't believe them, I can't remember that, therefore it can't have happened.
The next thing I remember is the cell, the cold cell, not hard, no, because they had to make sure I couldn't hurt myself. But I still managed to, I punched the padded walls so hard and so repeatedly that, though at the time I didn't notice, I broke all of my knuckles. I didn't sleep at all until after the day Chris, Rhys and Sarah came to see me. That was the day they put me in a straightjacket, though, I think that if Chris hadn't insisted, they would have been happy to let me keep damaging myself.
Two days later, Sarah came on her own to see me.
"Jack, I know we've only known eachother for three years and that I'm not actually one of the first people you'd ask for help, or talk to, but I want you to know that all three of us will help you through this, and that you're constantly in our minds, especially Chris'. We'll get you through this, with or without your help, but it would be easier on Chris if you'd help us. He hates to see you hurting, and it hurts him when you are. There's nothing that hurts me more than to see him suffering, so I want to ask you, as a friend, will you add your efforts to the push to get you better? For Chris and Rhys, not for me"
I'd never before noticed how truly beautiful she was, not just the superficial, physical beauty that most girls have, but that natural beauty that occurs so rarely nowadays, the kind that looks great without make-up, and without dressing up. I'd always known she was a brilliant person, but I'd never realized just how much she cared for everyone.
Her long, red hair framed her beautiful face, cascading over her shoulders. Her below average height added to, rather than took away from, her beauty and her deep, brown eyes seemed about to burst from the tenderness and care in them.
She wasn't like a model, she was a REAL woman. She had a great figure, not too fat, not too thin, just perfect.
I have to clarify here that I never loved or fancied or liked, in any sexual way, Sarah, but I realized in those few seconds exactly why Chris was so devoted to her, not because of her body, or even her personality, but because of her as a whole, I still hold, until this day, that she is the sweetest, most noble person I have ever met, and thats why I like Johann, because he contains the best of both his parents, he's as perfect a person as you could get, and the nicest thing about the young man is that he's modest, I see in Johann everything I've ever wanted to be.
In that moment I envied Chris far more than any man should envy his best friend, not because I wanted to be with Sarah, but because I knew he'd found his soul-mate.
"Not for Rhys, for both Chris and you, I'll help you, I'll try to get through this, I'll work every day to forgive what I've done, I promise" I replied after a period of about three seconds.
And though at some points it all went pear-shaped, I kept that promise, and thanks to that, now I can look back with regret, but not with blame, I have forgiven myself, what happened happened because it was meant to be.
The hardest days were the first few, and among them the hardest were the days the psychiatrists came, I've always hated people being nosy, and you can imagine how much worse it was in these circumstances, there were many times during those interviews that what I wanted, above all, was to stove the respective psychiatrist's head in, but, holding on to as much resolve as I could, I answered every question as truthfully and respectively as I could.
TO BE CONTINUED AS SOON AS ITS WRITTEN.
domingo, 3 de abril de 2011
martes, 29 de marzo de 2011
La verdad es que me pasé.
Primero, perdón por todo lo que te dije, perdón por haberte hecho tanto daño, pero mi punto sigue siendo válido. ¿Por qué puedes sufrir tú por nosotros y yo no? ¿ Qué pasa, se supone que soy más sensible o algo? ¿Más débil? Yo me pasé, pero tu tambien, cariño, lo que me hicistes era demasiado. ¿ Por qué, como tu dices, ocultar cosas para hacerme sentir mejor? Si te pasa algo se supone que yo debería de ser con el que confías siempre, a mi me da igual que tengas tus secretos, pero si te hacen sufrir, quiero saberlos, sean las que sean las consecuencias. Anoche me cabreé muchisimo, y dije cosas que no eran verdad, yo creía que sí, y seguía creyendolos hasta esta mañana, cuando llorastes, me di cuenta de que nunca podría ni podré dejarte sola, hagas lo que me hagas siempre estaré aquí para tí, me costó enterarme, pero al final lo hice. Sigo manteniendo algunas de las cosas que dije, solo te gusta ver tu lado, lo que te conviene ver, tanto en política como en nuestra relación, como en tus problemas con otra gente, parece que alguien te ha puesto la cosas esas que se les pone a los caballos a los lados de sus ojos para que no se distraigan, solo ves para alante, yo también soy así, pero solo cando viene a dos cosas, la música, y yo mismo, siempre mantendre que los artistas de pop no tienen el mismo mérito que los de rock o de metal, porque la gran mayoría ni escriben sus propias canciones, y.... en cuanto a mí, siempre mantendré que soy un gordo feo inútil, pero supongo que mejor que no me ponga a decirte todo eso de nuevo, ¿eh?
Otra vez me puse a intentar dejarlo todo, pero como siempre, no pude, porque está claro que no peudo y nunca podré, eres perfecta para mí y yo valgo para tí, no diré que soy perfecto para tí, porque mereces mucho más.
Cariño, eres mi alma gemela, eres mi vida eres mi todo, estas palabras sonaran vacías, pero no lo son, nunca lo fueron, las palabras dichas en un cabreo son las que son vacías.
Te amo muchísimo, y... perdón
Rosa María Ortega Vidal, Te Amo, más de lo que parece. Solo quiero lo mejor para tí, siempre es así, aunque te parezca que lo que haga no sea lo mejor, suele serlo, TE AMO
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